Bridal Vent

There are some people who say you should not share any details about your wedding so that you do not have to deal with everyone's judgements and opinions. Some brides I know will not even show friends pictures of their dress because they do not want to hear a single negative comment.

I am not that bride. clearly.
 
By sharing all most of my details, I am  opening myself up to any opinions and criticisms people may have and that is OK with me because I am happy with the decisions I am making, and I am also very open to all inputs and opinions of others because I believe that is how things can become better. I have certainly heard a few inputs here and there but the one that I have found to be completely unnecessary is that of the bridal party.

Look at that lovely MoH

 We have 6 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen. I  think that number is pretty standard actually. Whether or not that seems like a lot to you, sometimes it is better left unsaid. There are some things, even most things, that input can be helpful on -- DJ, photographer, food decisions, drink decisions, venue, date...all of these. How many bridesmaids I have is not really something that input can be provided on.

Shai wanted 6 groomsmen. Therefore I have 6 bridesmaids. I wanted it to be even. I could have done 2, 3, 4, 5, or 6. Probably not 7 though. I used to think I would try and keep it to 1 or 2 back when I was naïve about wedding decisions lol. I have 6 girls who are my absolute closest that I trust no matter how long we go without seeing or speaking to each other. They represent me in all of my stages of life. If I had not made them bridesmaids, they would have understood, but at the same time, making them bridesmaids made them happy, made them feel appreciated, and in the long run, only cost me an extra $1000-$1500, and it didn't even have to cost me that except I chose to buy their bridesmaid dresses.

Oh look, another shining face

My point is, why do you care if if a bride has 1 bridesmaid or 12 bridesmaids? It does not affect your experience at their wedding, it does not affect how much time the wedding takes (ok, maybe an extra MINUTE for them to walk down the aisle) and it does not affect how much you are paying to be at their wedding, (and by their, I mean ANY wedding) so why even bother making the comment- "Well you didn't have to have that many." You're right. I didn't. But again, I love my friends and they love me so why the hell not? It is a comment that you may think is harmless but it comes off much more judgemental than anything. I am not saying don't ask questions, but maybe ask who they all are first, that way you will be able to understand why someone has the girls (or guys) that they have. It's all about how you ask the question.

And another happy bridesmaid

I have certainly known brides with almost 10 bridesmaids and I have certainly made the statement "wow! that is a ton!" but that is where it stops -- because the reason they have that many is because they had that many girls close to them who they wanted to stand by them on one of the most important days of their lives. GOOD FOR THEM. So be surprised (I am always shocked when I hear about 10 or more bridesmaids). Tell me how you think one day you will only have one or two (I certainly always said that). But perhaps let it stay there. Keep that next thought to yourself, no matter which bride you may be talking to.

Bride rant over.

*note. No one has specifically said this to me and this is not directed at anyone in particular. I have had this occur to people closer to me ie. family and bridal party which is why I thought to blog about it. Please do not get offended.

Finding a venue...in Sin City

The minute we got home after our vacation in Florida, I had all sorts of energy but no direction. I couldn't ask my girls to be my bridesmaids, I couldn't tell anyone a date, I couldn't get a photographer, I couldn't decide what I needed...until I got a venue.

So I turned off Pinterest, I stopped looking at all those pretty pictures of weddings on The Knot, and I started focusing on ONLY venues. I spent hours looking at pictures and googling Vegas venues. I could be wrong, but I think that googling a venue in Vegas is a little different then googling one in almost any other state. I mean...can you get the "Elvis Hound Dog" Wedding package for $260?

So, for every "las vegas wedding reception" input, I got quite a few "vegas" packages and "elopement" packages. Thanks...but no thanks, that's not really my style, and I was more of a Johnny Cash fan than Elvis anyways.

I looked up the wedding options at nearly every single hotel on the Strip. Funny...none of them posted their prices. So I emailed about 10 of them to get their packages and pricing. I also emailed a couple hotels off strip (thinking the price would be lower...not necessarily the case) and a few venues that are specifically designed for weddings and banquets.

Based on the pricing that I was sent back, and the pictures they provided...I set up 7 appointments to see all of the venues...in 7 days.

Yah....I am not sure I would really recommend that, especially the 3 we saw on Sunday and the fact that the ones during the week we had to run from straight from work. Oh yes, I always dreamed of going to my first wedding venue in uniform.... But we are on a bit of a time crunch because we need all the major lifting done before I deploy next month - we had exactly 2 months from engagement to deployment to make decisions.

That may sound a bit overwhelming, and ok, it kind of was (Shai would probably say it really was) but it did make it easier to compare everything when each venue was fresh in our minds. We were able to compare the feel of each venue a lot better without a week or so in between hazing our memories. And we went into these appointments pretty organized

Wedding Binder

It is a lot thinner now, but my handy dandy binder had the printed out pricing packages for every venue I researched - even the ones we didn't visit. Once we decided, I thinned it out a bit.

We had our list of what we really wanted (I talked about some of those in my budget post) and we armed with questions....and Shai took notes - lots of notes.

Wedding Notebook

I have to take a moment here to give serious props to my amazing groom. It was truly fun for me to go to every single venue and have him be so 100% involved and interested in the whole process. He learned so much from our first venue, asking the consultant all sorts of questions that I already knew but didn't even think to see if he knew, that he formed an incredibly thorough list for the following appointments. Almost every single appointment he would look to me and say "What else do we want to ask" as he took a page or two of notes. Love him.

So we wrote down all of the notes in the "venue" section of the notebook and then did a price break down based on what they would provide and what else we needed or wanted. From there, we were really able to narrow down our top three.

I should mention that almost every single venue we looked at provided an "all inclusive"  package which combines things like food, alcohol, officiant, DJ, some photography, flowers, and moderate décor....more or less based on the venue. I had not expected so many places to have this option but it was certainly a huge draw for us. If we were having a bit smaller wedding, they could have saved us a lot of money. If you are looking somewhere with an all-inclusive package but don't want to use their DJ or officiant or whatever, they will often provide you a credit to spend there in exchange. Great to know!

The first venue we looked at was not the best of experiences. The consultant who I scheduled the appointment with wasn't even in the state and didn't think to call or email us to let us know she would not be there. She ended up getting out 5 voicemails and emails and sending down an assistant who had been in the job for one week to walk us through. Being so new, she was not able to answer a lot of our questions and promised an email with all of the answers. I am still waiting on that email. Next.

The second venue was a really wonderful one, but more than that, the consultant was a freaking angel. She was so willing to work with us with what we wanted and give us free upgrades where she could. The hotel has two packages - the rooftop ceremony with indoor/outdoor rooftop reception and the pool ceremony with indoor/outdoor pool and restaurant reception. I wanted the rooftop ceremony but the pool reception was twice as large and had huge potential. She was willing to let us have both venues for what I wanted at no additional cost. Truly amazing. Ultimately the idea of guests outdoors in January dissuaded us from selecting that venue.

Really from there, every single consultant was wonderful, and we were incredible consistent in  our venue-viewing time. Each appointment lasted exactly an hour except for the last one, which lasted 30 minutes because we were utterly burned out on appointments.

Two of our top three venues put a hold on our date so we could have 2 weeks to think about it. I would definitely recommend trying to get this for anyone considering multiple options because it allows you to take a breath and step back before making any decisions.

When we finally had to decide between our top two, we were really deciding between a beautiful venue that was more reasonably priced, and the wedding venue we were absolutely in love with that was at the very top of our budget. Ultimately we went with the top of our budget. That much money always makes me insanely nervous but I really think we picked the best venue not only for ourselves, but also for our guests (standby on a future post about that!)


So what did I learn?

• That trying venues is a lot like trying on wedding dresses -- you can try on hundreds if you want but you are just going to confuse the hell out of yourself.
• Don't rush a decision. Give yourself time to process everything you have learned and make a calm decision
• Calculate the price yourself - they will send you their "all inclusive price" or the "basic price" but there are going to be hidden costs (I'm looking at you cake cutting fee) and things that you really want (photography upgrade, photo-booth, upgraded centerpieces or linens)
• Make sure you can really survive the cost. Don't look at venues that you know are out of your budget and then find yourself rationalizing the unreasonable. Look below your price point and maybe one (like my case) that could be a stretch and see what you can do
• Don't stress. Really, don't stress too much, just have fun with it. How many more times can you have people show you around like a damn princess telling you everything they can do for you (at a price)? So just be happy! Give that groom a kiss and in my case, some more paper for notes. ;-)

Did you have a terrible experience looking at venues? Did you know it was the one when you first saw it? Let me know your experiences in the comments below!

but first....a budget...

I was going to write this post about our adventures finding a venue but what I realized is, before we went and SAW all our venue options, we had to nail down our budget. ick.

Tradition says that the bride's family pays for the wedding and the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner. Tradition also assumes a lot of other things cough like the reason you wear white cough...So I am not all that stuck on traditions. After all...I am blogging about my wedding....where was that 20 + years ago??

So yah, some people still have their parents pay for the wedding, some have their parents assist, and some just cover the wedding themselves. It doesn't matter which route you take, it is your wedding! Shai and I went from the perspective that we are going to plan an entire wedding within OUR budget and that anything our parents give us will be a welcome gift to ease the pain.

What I would recommend asking yourself first is, do you want to have any debt the day after your wedding? We definitely did not want that. (Some people don't mind, and that is OK too). Now, if you don't have 8 months to save like we do, that may not be your reality. Based on knowing what we could afford, and what seems to be the standard of weddings in todays age (thanks to many of our friends being married or getting married soon), we were able to set our budget.

The next thing I learned is that the budget you want, and what you want in the wedding, are going to need more flex more than you thought. Luckily we low-balled what we originally thought we would pay and so when we found what we really wanted, we were still able to flex and afford (after gagging a bit).

So think about what you want -- what is most important to you? For us, it was open bar, photography, and videography. Ironically those are three of the most expensive parts of a wedding.

Before you look for your venues, make a list of everything you want - on the essential side and excessive side

Things like
- DJ
- uplighting
- upscale linens
- centerpieces
- photography
- videography
- photobooth
- cocktail hour (some places include this like a 1 hour cocktail hour and 3 hour reception. We wanted a full cocktail hour and a 4 hour reception)
- arch or chuppah
- cotton candy machine (like I said, even if it is on the excessive side)

Decide what you think these things will cost and what you are willing to pay - then you will know what you can afford for the venue and perhaps you will even find a venue that has packages including these things!

I know this is not as exciting as decision making posts but I promise the venue one is next! (hint...we picked our venue!)

They said yes. The Bridesmaid situation.

So. You've said "yes". You're engaged. Every girl friend is calling and texting you to say congratulations but...is there something more hidden under those words? Do they want to know if they made the cut? The Bridal Party cut....

Maybe...Maybe not...but it was certainly one of those things that was at the top of my thoughts.

There are all sorts of articles on "how to be the perfect bridesmaid" and how much it can cost to be a bridesmaid and having been a bridesmaid twice, I always thought I would only have one or two bridesmaids max. I mean, I would be saving my girlfriends money in the long run too, right?

That was what I thought...until my wonderful groom decided he wanted to invite EVERYONE to be a groomsman. I'm pretty sure every guy he wanted to invite he wanted to be a groomsman. Luckily, I talked him down to 6. Still, way more than I imagined, but a number where I could invite only girls who I absolutely would want to be a bridesmaids...no "meh, I guess I'll have her too..." or "if I invite her, then I have to invite her...and her.. and..." you get the point.

So with that I easily settled on my six ladies, representing my early through high school life, my college life, and my current (adult?) life. (note: this does not mean that the high school and college friends did not transition into the adult stage....they had to or they wouldn't be bridesmaids!)

The next decision was...how do I ask them?? In a world of Pinterest, Facebook, and Reality TV....the options were endless...both in ideas and in price. I didn't really want to buy something that they would just throw away, or something that would just take up space...lets be honest here, every wedding has a budget, and I was not about to blow mine on a pre-wedding gift. I thought about wine - its easy to create your own label with a picture and a "Will you be my Bridesmaid" but that would have really increased the shipping price and I was a bit nervous about mailing 5 bottles of wine (only one of my bridesmaids is in Vegas with me). So I kept searching...looking through website after website of bridesmaid gift ideas....until I found it. "Bleached Tees." Remember in high school when you used to paint on your shirts for spirit days? When I was a Maid of Honor I did tanks for all of the girls where I painstakingly stamped and outlined "bridesmaid" etc in paint on every shirt.

Letting the bleach sit

It said to stencil out what you wanted to write...but I didn't. Just take a cutting board, cover it in a plastic bag, and write what you want with a Bleach Pen (I used Clorox Bleach Pen). I bought the t-shirts at Target and it just so happened that the color I wanted was the only one on sale!
I let the bleach sit on the shirts for an hour and then popped them into the washing machine with no soap and then into the dryer.



Completed!

I have to say, I was pretty darn happy about them. I wanted something else though...
I was wandering around the BX (kinda like a Walmart but on base) and found some awesome nail presses - you know, those nail wraps that are all over Facebook right now? And they just so happened to have three different designs in the colors I wanted! Score! Now, these would be perfect for the girls to wear to the wedding, but I can't expect them to hold on to those for 8 months! I'm sure I can make another BX run when it gets closer-- and in the mean time, they get to try some out! (I even bought some for myself!) I found some "Bridesmaid" pins on Amazon Prime (seriously, if you don't have Prime, you do not know what you are missing!) and finished the boxes off with the "request" card and a save the date print, and off they went!

Then...I had to wait. And I am pretty sure in the 3 days it took the boxes to reach the girls, every single one of them called me. Maybe it was just me but I could swear they were just waiting to see if I was going to ask!

Luckily, one by one today, via text, call, instagram, or facebook, my lovely ladies opened their boxes and said Yes!

So happy I have such wonderful friends. I cannot wait to plan things with them and let me know what is going on!

Oh, and that groom of mine? I don't think he has asked his groomsmen yet. I even printed funny little cards that said "I *insert picture of mustache* you ...Will you be my groomsman?
 (get it?? I mustache you..") I don't think he appreciated my humor though...they are still sitting in the office.

There is something to this recent trend of asking your bridal party to be there for you. I enjoyed making the shirts and putting the boxes together and it was fun for me to receive them and send me pictures one by one. I would definitely recommend doing a little something for your ladies but don't break the bank....the reality of a wedding is that there are always hidden costs that pop up that you didn't expect. You don't want to spend all your "extras" budget in the beginning!

Did you do something for your bridesmaids? Do you think that this trend is a waste of time and money? Let me know in the comments below!!

Kali

So...I said yes to my dress

There are lots of little girls who dream about their perfect wedding and their perfect dress for their whole lives and then when they get engaged they HAVE to try on THAT dress and will search high and low for it.

Let me be straight...I am not that girl.

Sure, I have watched every wedding show on TLC and WE since I was in middle school...but I just really loved all the pretty shiny things...I never thought of them in terms of me. (now, the ring on the other hand...well...I ALWAYS knew what I liked in rings...but I digress)

I have watched Say Yes to the Dress and heard Randy say how girls get stuck on one vision in their head...or how they bring too many opinionated people...or how they try on too many dresses (20-100) and get too confused...So I had learned from reality television what I was NOT supposed to do...but I had not really learned what I WAS supposed to do!

Now, don't get me wrong...I have watched enough dress shows to have an idea of what I wanted...and I assure you I had saved images of $6,000 dollar designer gowns on my iPad the second I was engaged, but I was very very open minded.

Shai had wonderful timing in planning to propose right before I had a week at home with my family in Florida. I decided that I really wanted my grandparents to be there when I picked my dress and while I could expect my mother to fly out to Vegas to go shopping with me, I couldn't really expect them to. So, the second I had service on the ship, I sent my mom a text and said "hey, I got engaged, please book bridal dress appointments so that we can go shopping with grandma." and then I lost service again. hehe.

I grew up in a relatively small town area and there is one store there, Patricias that sells wedding dresses and prom dresses. I didn't really expect to see anything super great there but I figured it was an easy drive so why not. I couldn't decide where to go next (again, I hadn't really been researching dresses) and so I settled on Jon's Bridal which is self proclaimed "Florida's Largest Bridal Shop". Two ends of the wedding dress store spectrum.

So we started at Patricia's first thing when their doors opened at 10. I showed Becky all the high end couture gowns that I loved, were way over my budget, and oh, were only sold in California and overseas....I told her some of the things I HAD to have (like a train...because Shai asked for one) and that I was open to trying whatever she thought.

It was kind of surreal putting that first dress on. Like real grown-up dress up! Unfortunately I loved it...and every other one I tried on. My mother, grandmother, and the wonderful ladies working there were no help either...they all loved them too! This was NOT how it was supposed to happen per Say Yes to the Dress. I should have disliked a couple, there was supposed to be one that made my sides look lumpy or not make my waist small or whatever. Honestly, if I had been doing normal mall shopping and that happened, it would have been the day where I bought everything I tried on.

So two hours later, we left with three favorites in mind and an appointment for the next morning in case Jon's was a bust.

And good thing too...because it was.

After my two store experience I am absolutely convinced of one thing. Your consultant and the atmosphere will determine which dress you buy.

Jon's Bridal was huge, and the first thing we saw was a big sign saying "no photography of the dress unless purchased." Stupid. When I told Shai about that later, he thought it was such a dumb rule that we should have just left immediately. But we didn't, so I went through the racks with the consultant...who was far less fun, happy, or interesting than Becky, and picked out the dresses that they had in my size. For being "Florida's largest"...I was very underwhelmed. I was not allowed to put the dresses on and off myself because unlike Patricia's where they order them, at Jon's you buy them there and take them home that day -- probably helpful if you are planning a quick wedding or waited last minute to buy a dress...but that was not me, so I was annoyed. The consultant seemed like she was always watching us to make sure we didn't break the "photography" rule (which, we did try a couple times) then actually trying to help us. I did really like some of the dresses there but I could never have loved one because I just didn't like even being in that place. I knew we were done.

That night, I rallied the troops. I informed my father that he would be at Patricia's first thing in the morning and I called my best friend to make sure she would drive the hour from Tampa to be there before she had to go back to work (I swear, it was less demanding than it sounds...she was going to come see me anyways).

With everyone there, I was able to try on the top 4 dresses (yes, earlier I said 3 but I really wanted everyone to see another one too...and hey, it was MY appointment). I still loved all of them so we had to try one against the other and narrow it down in a bridal dress bracket of sorts...it was a hard decision. However, I did put one dress back on and got a bit misty eyed (and dad did too...shhhhh) and decided that must mean "it is the one." After all, that's what they do on TV lol. But really, it beat out the others and I felt like myself wearing it, as opposed to just being in it. They were able to make a couple of the changes I wanted and the veils I wanted as well. More than anything though, it was my dress because I was surrounded by the people that mean the most to me, so that dress carries with it the experience and memories I want to have with me on my special day.

So my advice to anyone is to just relax about it and make sure you find a bridal store that is FUN and bring the people you really care about, not everyone you think you have to bring or should bring. Be open minded and listen to your consultant...and don't over think it. You don't have to try one 900 dresses to be sure.

Cheers!
Kali

Whoops its been a while. Wedding Brain.

So I just realized that I had not blogged since September.
Well....I guess I knew that I hadn't but I have been absurdly busy. I've been on lots of trips I meant to blog about, had PRK (like LASIK) that I meant to blog about, had a birthday and several wonderful holidays I wanted to blog about...ate at too many amazing restaurants and saw a ton of great concerts I wanted to blog about...got another pup I could do way too many blogs about....but now that I am engaged...I think I will finally sit down and write a blog post.

I took the ring out of the box and put it on myself!

There are so many people I know getting married right now it seems like, or at least engaged. I love hearing about all of the challenges and experiences that everyone is going through or has gone through! Hopefully you all wont mind that I share mine!

So consider this post your fair warning. The next few months will likely be a lot of ruffles, sparkle, and frosting.

Oh and I am deploying next month too....so maybe a little bit about that. I mean honestly, between preparing for the deployment and planning a wedding...it is a miracle I am not dreaming about camouflage bouquets!

Since Shai proposed on a cruise, we did not have any cell service to call anyone back home, so I had a couple days to keep it all to myself. But when we did arrive, and started to tell everyone....everyone wanted the whole story...and Shai is a man of many details. Luckily he wrote an email to all of his friends and family and sent it to them in order to save our voices. I took that email and put it onto our wedding site that you can see here!

I can't wait to share all of the things I am finding out with you. Oh and in case you missed it...you can read the proposal here. I think the next post will be about the dress!